As it so happens, I was not able to be in class for the Socratic circle on Tuesday, and will be reflecting on the volleyball games I played that day. Volleyball has never been my favourite sport, it does not intrigue me or motivate me in the way that my sport does; soccer. I cannot take it seriously, and so my attitude towards the team is dampened by my lack of enthusiasm. This is quite out of character for me, as I tend to contribute one hundred percent of my effort to playing soccer, and my devotion to the sport keeps me focused and active in team life. However, volley-ball is much the opposite for me, it is my hobby, my time filler, and quite frankly I've grown tired of the petty high school team drama. I tend to close myself off from the team, detach myself in a way. I don't want to involve myself and become too absorbed in such an insignificant part of my life. My competitive edge urges me to play hard and contribute to the team, but my reasonable self tells me that high school volleyball will do nothing for me, and does not benefit me in any way any more. It may appear to my team mates that I have no motivation or aspiration, or it may appear that I don't care about the team, and this is not normal for me. I care about sports, and I care about my team mates around me, but I believe I care for things that might just take me somewhere in life. Volley-ball is so very insignificant, and I think - much like I do with math and chemistry - that things in my life that will take me no where, tend to cause me to lose my compassion. I need a reason for the things I do, I need to love them, to aspire to succeed at them. The aspects to my life that I care most about, and spend the most time improving and cherishing, are the aspects that I love and will carry with me. Thankfully, volley ball is almost over, and I will be able to concentrate on more important areas without having to fake enthusiasm. I would never tell my coach, but high school volley ball has officially lost it's appeal.
In all other cases, applying to my favourite activities and passions, I would use the adjective compassionate to describe myself. If I find reason enough to excel in a certain area, for pleasure or for meaningfulness to my life and future, I will invariably put forth all of my effort to succeed in that area. The things in my life that I love, well... I love. I cherish. I care. And the things that I do not care for, I repel emotionally, and if I can help it, physically. Surrounding myself with intrests and passions keeps me generally happy and well rounded, and I will continue to do so to reach my goals and obtain perpetual happiness. (please forgive the euphoric statement, a 17 year old girl should be able to imagine such a state exists :) )
I think the hardest thing in life sometimes is "naming the elephant in the room" or "calling a spade a spade", to quote the cliches. Duty and loyalty are good qualities, but how do we reconcile them to what we truly want if that which feel we owe duty is not on our path to happiness? Ay, there's the rub. This is a very thoughtful reflection, Tori. Nice work.
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