Focusing Question: Considering the social and historical conditions for women of the time period, should a mother's hardships act as an explanation for her daughter's neglect?



In the time of "I Stand Here Ironing," the "pre-relief, pre-WPA world of the depression", the mother in the story does not have a lot of options. She needs to be working to support herself and her new baby, she has to cope with the difficulties of single-motherhood, and she has to take care of a child. Difficult choices have to be made in this situation, and most are not ideal for the mother and narrator. In the early years of Emily's life, during infancy, it is important for her to be nursed and cared for by her mother, Emily's mother realizes this but she is powerless to it. It seemed necessary to send Emily away, first to the father's family and then to the nursery school, so that enough money could be made to support them both. This would not be an easy choice for the mother, but Emily makes it easier for her by never rebelling or putting up a fuss, it's almost as if she understands her mothers situation and wants to make it easier. Emily is very mature for her age; forced to be mature, because of the number of situations she's been thrown into. The harsh conditions of solitude make for an unpleasant upbringing, like nursery school and care taking from other parents, and the support of a mother would be the antidote to that depression. The mother seems to always find away to admire her daughter from afar though, never really giving Emily the attention and love she deserves, but saying how impressed she is by the girl she's growing up to be. She is so blind to say, "What in me demanded that goodness in her?" It seems that Emily fully realizes the situation her mothers been placed in, and the unconditional love for her mother allows her to cooperate and understand things, but always with the underlying resentment for her situation. This is why Emily does not smile, or comes across as shy or quiet, she understands, but she is still probably upset with her mother. Emily is selfless, and this does not come from her mother, it grows from her own nature of compassion and understanding, she's developed it on her own.
The mother sees this understanding and takes advantage of her daughter, leaving "her alone at nights, telling themselves she was old enough." She also seems to think that the "new daddy" introduced on pg 407 lead to a "better time", and a reason for her comedic pantomimes and semantics, and this is a very conceited thing to think.
With more children born Emily is forced to grow up and adopt maternal instincts far beyond her age, she must help her mother. She shops, feeds, cares for, and raises the children along side her mother, without seeing that care and compassion for herself. It must be hard to see that kind of love directed to her other siblings and accept that she did not receive that same treatment, she would be hurt and jealous. However, Emily does not complain, in fact she insists that she is fine, such as the time that Emily is having a nightmare and tells her mother, "I'm alright, go back to sleep, mother."
Emily's mother should have been more compassionate, because once a child has been through enough they will change the way they respond to familiar situations. Emily drops behind in school, stops eating right, and does not respond to her mothers touch, she jerks away from her. In the times when Emily is worried about her appearance, her mother should have been the one to comfort her and assure her that she was one of a kind and beautiful. Emily's mother does not do this, she reflects of her daughters insecurities and does nothing to change her mind. She becomes jealous of her siblings and their differences, their love and better circumstances, and accept for her tiny comments about stolen riddles and stolen artifacts, Emily does not complain or cry out.
On page 411, while Emily's mother is reviewing her daughters insecurities, she is interupted by Ronnie who is crying. This is her mother's problem, she has moved on from Emily, she no longer cares for trying to change any thing for her daughter because she has new worries, new children. Her attemps to make things better for Emily have stopped, and she is now convincing herself that Emily will be fine just as she always has been, that she will "leave her seal" in some way. Emily's mother does not even remember what makes Emily so special any more, she blames it on the "terrible growing years. War years." When "there were four smaller ones now, and there was not time for her." She has completely given up on her first child, trusting her to make her own way. I actually cried during Emily's call to her mother, crying to her that she had won the talent show and they clapped and wouldn't let her go. That was Emily's doing, her way of making it on her own, her seal. And what can the mother do? Nothing, because she has no money. Emily's talent is her escape from her reality, and her mother cannot support that talent with funding or attention. Emily had found a way without her mother, but that does not mean that her mother can use that as an excuse, as a way out of dealing with years of neglect. She says, "Why did you want me to come in at all? Why were you concerned? She will find her way," and leaves it at that, she is done with Emily.
Emily is the strongest type of female, she is selfless and understands people's situations around her, tending to others needs instead of her own. She should be given full credit and appreciation for her suffering and enduring, for taking care of her mother and providing her with an easier lifestyle, with one less child to care about. The mother should not take credit for this transformation, of Emily's becoming a woman with a way in the world. And yet, Emily's mother cannot even then take responsibilities for her actions, she says that she "will never total it all," and then she does. She lists all of the reasons that she could never be there for her Emily, saying that she was powerless to the outcomes of her daughter, that it was inevitable. She does take responsibility for herself in the end, she finally admits that her "wisdom came to late," and that "probably little will come of it." The best thing the mother could do is hope that Emily has a better life with more change, she cannot change anything more, what's done was done. It is sad to see that the mother can only stand by and hope, because this is a lasting powerlessness that will follow her for her whole life. Emily's mother was always powerless due to money, due to other children, due to being alone, but that should not have stopped her from providing Emily with the best possible compassion a daughter deserves. Emily made her way because she had to, and she is one special girl for putting up with so much for all those years.